THE REAL ME
It wasn't until I saw the real me that I began to understand what a relationship for me with God meant. In order for me to see myself clearly I had to get past what I saw in a mirror (which was bad enough) and be able to look at self with new eyes...with spiritual eyes that to that point I had never really used.
For me it took a lot of time reading proverbs, and just letting God talk to me through His Spirit about what man should look for and what I should look for in me as a person. It was a kind of course on being able to see spiritually, and then came the time that I had to take to meditate on what He had said and let it soak into my soul. It was not until I did that a few times that I realized that I had never really done that in my Christian life before that or just how much allowing God to speak to me instead of always doing the talking was helpful. I even found that my prayers changed, and they had more wisdom and content because of the time I had spent with God.
It is not easy to understand yourself until you allow God to take you apart and for you to see the pieces and how they all fit together in your life. As I looked at my background and the real truth about why I had done what I did I began to see the brokenness that was there even as a child growing in certain conditions. I found that I could understand other people better too once I let myself be seen through God's eyes, and not just the eyes of this world. It was not until I started to let that happen that over time I could see and accept that from the time I was a small child the world had been chipping away at me, and making me feel less worth while. I found that God indeed had to do some serious surgery in my life if I were going to survive at all...even to the point of having any relationship with Him. Self began to show me the wicked and sinful generational sins that I had inherited, but even more the tendencies I had to carry them on in my own life. For me it was not going to be a simple " If your eye offends you pluck out out" surgery...mine would have to be an open heart surgery that would be soul threatening. I would have to die to self in ways that I never realized before I would be able to even continue with my walk with God.
I began to see the filthy rags that I had at one time thought were white and sin free because I had compared them only to other's around me in life, but never to the truth and to God's standards for my life. It was a very helpless feeling for me, but it was not impossible as long as I allowed God to be in control and not me. If you are having trouble it is time to look into His word...choose Proverbs or Psalms to start then meditate on what He tells you there....may you richly bless God through your life in Him.
THE UNWORTHY SERVANT
For me it took a lot of time reading proverbs, and just letting God talk to me through His Spirit about what man should look for and what I should look for in me as a person. It was a kind of course on being able to see spiritually, and then came the time that I had to take to meditate on what He had said and let it soak into my soul. It was not until I did that a few times that I realized that I had never really done that in my Christian life before that or just how much allowing God to speak to me instead of always doing the talking was helpful. I even found that my prayers changed, and they had more wisdom and content because of the time I had spent with God.
It is not easy to understand yourself until you allow God to take you apart and for you to see the pieces and how they all fit together in your life. As I looked at my background and the real truth about why I had done what I did I began to see the brokenness that was there even as a child growing in certain conditions. I found that I could understand other people better too once I let myself be seen through God's eyes, and not just the eyes of this world. It was not until I started to let that happen that over time I could see and accept that from the time I was a small child the world had been chipping away at me, and making me feel less worth while. I found that God indeed had to do some serious surgery in my life if I were going to survive at all...even to the point of having any relationship with Him. Self began to show me the wicked and sinful generational sins that I had inherited, but even more the tendencies I had to carry them on in my own life. For me it was not going to be a simple " If your eye offends you pluck out out" surgery...mine would have to be an open heart surgery that would be soul threatening. I would have to die to self in ways that I never realized before I would be able to even continue with my walk with God.
I began to see the filthy rags that I had at one time thought were white and sin free because I had compared them only to other's around me in life, but never to the truth and to God's standards for my life. It was a very helpless feeling for me, but it was not impossible as long as I allowed God to be in control and not me. If you are having trouble it is time to look into His word...choose Proverbs or Psalms to start then meditate on what He tells you there....may you richly bless God through your life in Him.
THE UNWORTHY SERVANT
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